And now for something completely unimportant . . .

Straight from Trump's Rump

Wowie kazowie, President Trump is finally solving an actual problem by spending only $200 million of donor money + the tax payers’ funds for Secret Security's top-secret secret security stuff to make sure the "innately designed" gold-leafed dance hall cum palace is constructed so that lots of guests don't have to walk across a lawn.

See, Trump doesn't like lawns. They get your tooties in your gold-soled shoes wet. And the tents the gatherings have been held in, well forget about it. As we know, the man is very big on walls. Biggly walls to protect all the gold-leafed chairs which will be sat on by the big bottoms of 650 world leaders.

Although a big-time architectural firm is doing the design, it is alleged that Melania had a hand in it: "I vant da toilets in white gold, and da trees along da corridor, fake chartreuse only," she is rumored to have said. "No messy, messy grass to dis ballroom. It ruin my Manolo Blahniks and speaking of blah, vat dat grass does to my heels—Oj [Oy-vey in Slovenian]! Only best concrete for White Hiša [again, Slovenian—did you know she speaks six languages just as well as she speaks English?]!"

I'm not sure what "innate" design is, but probably it means that, hearkening to the White Hiša's history of being built by "only the best" enslaved people, and to keep construction costs low, laborers will be brought in for uncompensated sawing and hammering, and keeping with his prospective migrant farm worker policy, Trump will own them and therefore take responsibility for their presence when they are not incarcerated in Alligator Alcatraz Concentration Camp.

The announcement came yesterday from White Hiša Press Secretary Karoline with-a-K Leavitt with-an-A (to make sure you know she's not Jewish) on the heels of the growing demand for some papers that Mr. Trump stuffed in his old toilet that he would prefer got flushed.

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And here’s the dramatic reading:

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Betsy Robinson is an editor, fiction writer, journalist, and playwright. She has written about books for Publishers Weekly, Lithub, Oh Reader, and many other publications. Her novels Cats on a Pole and The Spectators were published by Kano Press in 2024. She writes funny stories about flawed people and examines our herd culture. www.BetsyRobinson-writer.com.